It's Not all Sunshine and Smiles

     We are on day two of the fourth quarter in our fifth year of homeschooling.  We've made it through newborns, toddlers, and tantrums.  We've made it through super busy phases and super lonely phases.  We've made it through, but today I almost threw in the towel.

     Do a little research on any homeschooling site and you will read that traditionally February is the month when most homeschoolers will give up.  This has never been true for me.  In our house it is always March, and March just slammed into our basement this morning.

     Homeschoolers, books on homeschooling, and homeschooling sites that pop up on google searches all do a great job of shouting the pros of homeschooling from the rooftops.  They will tell you all about how smart your kids will be, how much better (yes better) socialized they will be, how your children are going to be BEST friends, and on and on.  After almost five years, I call their bluff.

      I'm also not convinced that the whole world is out to get homeschoolers and shut us down.  I bought into that one for quite awhile, and in all fairness, it was probably very true a decade or two ago.  The reality of my five years of experience, just shouts a different story though.  The number one reaction that I get when I tell people we homeschool is, "Wow, that's awesome."  This is usually followed up with, "I wish we could do that, but we can't, I could never do that," or some form of admiration.  There have been a much smaller number of times when I can tell the person isn't in favor of our choice, but those interactions are far less frequent, and I have never felt threatened.  Teachers, coaches, the school district...ALL of our interactions have been positive.

     All of this leads me to this post today.  I believe that homeschooling is great.  It can be all of those things advertised above.  It really can.  However, I do see a lot of people almost putting a halo on the head of the homeschool movement, and while the support is needed and very welcome, the halo needs to come off.  It needs to come off because people discerning homeschooling need to know that it does not come without hardship, tears, and struggles.  So here goes:

What you will read:  Your kids will be brainiacs and love school!

My experience:
Yes, my kids are pretty smart, but no smarter than they would be if they were in a regular classroom. I do see a little more zeal for learning than they might have in a regular classroom (like they all come running for history even if it is not their history lesson), but they also complain about school and don't like doing the work.  This may be in part because our homeschool is very much a school at home environment.  I would venture a bet that a more laid back homeschool environment really can produce a greater love for learning, but again this can also happen in a traditional classroom with a motivating teacher.

Socialization:  Your kids will be socialized better than their peers!
My Truth:
My kids get lonely.  Most of the time they are okay.  We do a lot of stuff outside the home, and my kids even go to regular school once a week, BUT they still get lonely.  So sure, they are properly socialized (in the true meaning of the word), but they don't have the same opportunities to develop friendships as their traditionally schooled peers. No, they are not having to deal with all the junk found in a regular school, but that can also be a downside.  They are not LEARNING how to deal with all the junk.  Oh, and about my kids being best friends...they are, BUT they are also the bullies and the bullied, and instead of being hurt by someone outside of their family, they are getting hurt by the ones whom they love the most.  Socialization is more of an issue for our family than it might be for others because my older two children are lacking children their age in our homeschool group.  I don't see this as much of an issue with our younger boys, and to be completely transparent neither of the older two really complain about playing with younger children, they enjoy it.  However, as a mother I know they NEED a bit more interaction with their peers.  I am often reminded that children in a regular classroom can be lonely too, and this may not necessarily be a homeschool issue, but since we have chosen to homeschool I have to wonder what if.

Which leads me to...
The issue that brings me to tears:
The stress of knowing that this is a choice that we have made for them, and the possibility that it might not be the right choice.  The what ifs are never ending.  The pressure is high.  When your child isn't getting math, YOU are responsible.  When your child displays some awful behavior, YOU have been the role model.  Insecurity in my head runs rampant.  Raising my children is the most important job I will ever have and messing up something so big is completely overwhelming.  In all fairness, I am sure this goes through all parents' heads.  If I had my kids in public school or private school I am certain I would be wondering if I were ruining them by that choice as well.  Worrying about what ifs is just what I do.


     At the end of the day, or in the middle of the afternoon after a horrible morning, it just comes down to trusting God.  I have to trust that we are following His will for us, because He really did make His will very, very clear for us on this issue.  I have also learned not to make any rash decisions in the midst of a meltdown.  By noon today I had researched and mentally noted the pros and cons of our public school, the closest private school, and the private school our kids currently attend once a week.  I was a ball of tears and ready to send our oldest to the yellow bus tomorrow morning.  Two hours later the tears were gone, replaced by hugs and smiles. Our kids were gathered around me listening intently to the state capital quiz taking place between myself and my son.  I looked up at that moment and said, "Guys, THIS is what homeschooling is all about."  For me, for us, it IS worth it.  I really do love homeschooling.  It's just after five years, and a really bad morning, I just strongly feel that other parents need to hear about the not so sun-shiny moments too.


   

 

Eating Crow

     Ehem.  I have an announcement to make.  That's right folks, sometimes you've gotta eat crow, and I cannot allow this post to remain on my blog without eating a little crow.  Entering into my fourth year of homeschooling I am officially proclaiming that I am indeed a little concerned about socialization.  Whew. There.  I said it.  

     Now, to be clear, Webster defines socialization as:

  "the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status."  

So technically speaking I am still not overly concerned about socialization as defined by Webster. I think my kids are doing okay in that department, and technically speaking I suppose I can still stand behind my original post.  BUT, and it's an enormous but, what I have become concerned about is the lack of frequency of consistent, good quality time spent with their peers.  

The Problem

     We've done, and continue to do, quite a few activities outside of the home, but I have found a longing in my children for something more.  Something with more depth.  Something more "Anne of Green Gables Bosom Buddy-ish."  I am not at all implying, nor am I convinced that school outside the home is a necessity for developing deep lasting friendships, but it certainly creates a multitude of opportunities on a daily basis to find that lifelong bosom buddy.  This is something that I failed to admit in my first couple of years of homeschooling, and for that reason, I'm eating crow.  

     

     I love homeschooling and this year, more than ever, thank God everyday for the opportunity to do it, but I think sometimes the cons can be heavily glossed over in an attempt to convince society that it really isn't crazy.  It's not crazy.  It's really, really good, and there are plenty of stats to back that up (maybe in another post), BUT it can also be really, really hard, and I think sometimes I have been afraid to admit the challenges.  In assessing our successes and failures at the end of every school year, I try to figure out ways to fix what I perceive to be our problem areas.  I was pretty disheartened and embarrassed this year when I had to admit our biggest problem area was in the friendship department.  After all, I have been pretty vocal about the fact that that particular department was of no concern to me. My voice echoed in my head, "We have loads of activities, blah, blah, blah." 

What We're Doing About It

     God takes care of all things.  I am so grateful for His attention to every detail.  He has opened new doors for our family through our parish school this year.  Our children are now enrolled as part-time students at the school and are having a wonderful experience.  I see the light of joy in their faces not just after picking them up from school, but spread throughout the rest of the week at home.  I feel like I have the best of both worlds.  I love, love, love teaching my own children, but I also love, love, love the environment of the school.  I love greeting the other parents and teachers.  I love the idea of helping to support an excellent school in whatever little way we can.  What I love most of all is knowing that this experience is helping to fill a void in our lives.  I use the word "our" because I needed this too.  Perhaps even more than the kids. 

     So there, I am finished eating crow...until next time.  I still believe homeschoolers are properly socialized, but in light of my annoying repetition implying it couldn't possibly EVER be an issue for ANY family, and then discovering an offshoot of it to be a bit of an issue under my own roof, I felt the need to do this! 

     

    

Our Journey to Homeschooling

     Our oldest child was in her second year of preschool when I first began entertaining the idea of homeschooling.  My heart was leaping at the possibility of embarking on this radical journey.  I began presenting all my pros of homeschooling to my husband (totally downplaying the cons), trying desperately to win him over.  He entertained my litany of lists for awhile before finally confessing to me that in theory it was a good idea, but it just wasn't for us.  He continued, saying, "I just don't think YOU can handle it."  Ouch. Okay, what I really mean is, "OOOOUUUUUCH!"  My degrees are in early childhood and elementary education.  I was so embarrassed.  My own husband did not think I could teach our child.  My homeschool push was officially over.  I shed a few tears and buried my homeschool dreams.  My husband chose a fantastic local school and we promptly enrolled. 

   Kindergarten drop off definitely makes my top ten list of hardest days of my life.  I was eight months pregnant dropping off my firstborn child in a new school where we knew no one (we enrolled in a closer parish school, not our own).  To top it all off the day before school started she had been diagnosed with allergies to corn and eggs in addition to her previous diagnosis of celiac disease.  If you have ever dealt with food allergies you know it takes weeks to figure out a base of safe foods for your child to eat.  I was in a complete state of panic leaving her there with perfect strangers in charge of feeding her.  I dropped her off and headed straight to the Adoration Chapel to bawl.  I returned at the end of the day to pick up my tired, but smiling girl.  She loved it, and no one messed up her food!  Drop off became much easier and even I eventually adjusted to the routine.

     We loved our daughter's school and homeschooling became a vague memory of something that I thought was great, but could not do.  It no longer existed in my mind as an option for our family, and I was pretty comfortable with our life in school.  However, God had different plans.  He always does, and my happy little comfortable world was about to change.

    Halfway through our daughter's first grade year, the school system began sharing a possible model for a tuition change.  God knows exactly what will get our attention, and now He had successfully gathered the attention of my husband.  The change being discussed would have been a very expensive change for our family, and one evening my husband came home from work announcing that he did not know what we would do if this option was chosen.  I was shocked.  I loved her school and could not imagine having to leave.  I didn't say anything, but prayed.  As I was praying, God placed a word on my heart, that I had not allowed for two years...homeschool.  Homeschool?!!!!  Are you kidding me, God?  I was a little miffed.  I argued with God in my head.  My mind voice, remembering my humiliation after our last homeschool discussion, shouted, "Okay, God.  If YOU want us to homeschool, YOU tell him, but I am not going to!"  

     THE VERY NEXT DAY my husband came home from work and presented me with three options.  The first of the options was homeschool.  I broke into tears.  I was REALLY comfortable with what we were already doing and I was REALLY NOT looking forward to getting my hopes up again for something that was not going to happen.  We spent the next few months researching, and this time I let my husband lead the way.  He researched the pros and cons, he looked at the different options for curricula, and he was left to make the final decision.  By the time he announced that we would be homeschooling, the proposed tuition change was no longer even on the table.  Staying in the school would no longer have been a financial burden, but we now knew God was calling us to something different.  

     We began homeschooling the next August and now have three years under our belts.  In general it seems to fit our family well.  There are definitely challenges, and this year in particular, summer break couldn't come soon enough, but in the end we feel like it is worth it.  I am now very thankful that we did not originally homeschool.  I cannot stress enough the importance of having the support of my husband.  There are days when I want to throw in the towel and quit, and on those days, it is he who encourages me and reminds me of all we are accomplishing.  I would not have had this support if I had succeeded in pushing him into homeschooling as I had originally tried.  In addition, and more importantly, God made it perfectly clear to me that this was His will for our family.  He could not have been more clear, or prompt, in responding to my snarky challenge to "tell him yourself if you want us to homeschool."  So, for now, we are here, homeschooling.  We intend to do this all the way through.  However, I always say we are taking it year by year, because as we have learned, you never know what plans God has up His sleeve!!!

The moral of the story:  When making any big decision, first and foremost, seek the will of God, and don't be afraid to ask Him to show you the way (sometimes He does so, very clearly)!!!  Secondly, talk with your husband, pray with your husband, and then step back and allow him to make the final decision.  I have found an indescribable peace in making decisions in this way.  You will not always get what you want using this formula, but you will have peace in knowing that even when you don't understand it, God's plan is always what is best, and you can trust that He is guiding your husband in his decision making process (assuming your husband is consulting with Him)!

     

  

     

       

Homeschooling: Answers to the Interrogation

As a homeschooling mom I am frequently confronted with questions about the way we have chosen to educate our children.  Sometimes the questions come from those who are considering homeschooling themselves, or from those who respect homeschooling and genuinely want to learn more about it.  More often though, the questions come from those who cling tightly to their own interpretations and misconceptions of what homeschooling is and they aren’t so much asking to gain an understanding, but rather they are seeking to point out what they believe is a problem or concern.  The questions are almost always the same so I thought I would address them here.  If you are reading this and aren’t familiar with homeschooling, maybe you can learn something.  If you are a homeschooler or are supportive of homeschooling, this will reinforce what you already know, and serve as a reminder that you are not the only person who has to answer these questions!

1.       No, I am not worried about socialization.  Homeschooled children learn to interact with both adults and children of all ages through playgroups, co-ops, scouting programs, sports, church groups, etc.   

2.      No, we do not feel isolated, or cooped up within our homes.  Contrary to popular belief, homeschoolers do get out!   While their peers are spending 7+ hours in a classroom, homeschoolers may finish their day before lunch and spend the afternoon going to various activities, having a play date, visiting the library, etc.  In our own home, the only day that is consistently free of outside activities, is Thursday.

3.      No, I am not worried about socialization.  In fact, socialization is one of the reasons we chose to homeschool.

4.      No, a parent does not have to be a certified teacher to homeschool their children.  In our case, I do happen to have a teaching degree, so I am often given a pass on this one.  I will hear, “Well, that is good for you, but I could never do it, I’m not a teacher”.  Listen carefully; you do not have to have any special training to teach your children!!!!   Statistics show that home educated students score higher than their public school peers in standardized tests, REGARDLESS of the level of education reached by the parent/teacher.  Who cares more about your children, you, or an outside teacher?  Who has more time to work with your child until they are 100% certain he/she understands a concept, you, or an outside teacher?  Who has time go over each and every mistake until an assignment is correct?  Who understands how your child learns best and can accommodate that individual learning style? 

*Certainly there are many school teachers who also do these things!

5.      No, I am not worried about socialization.

6.      Yes, the state checks up on us.  Each state has different laws regarding homeschooling. In our state they know what curriculum materials we are using, how many days we are schooling, and they keep track of the progress of our students.

7.      Nope, still not worried about socialization.

8.      Sure, sometimes I worry that I might be missing something.  What good teacher doesn’t evaluate whether he/she is lacking in any area?  What good teacher doesn’t assess how their year is going and make changes as needed?  Of course we want to make sure our children are receiving everything they need, so yes, I do worry about these things.

9.      Socialization is not a concern.

10.   There is no shortage of homeschooling resources.  In fact, there are so many great resources that it can be intimidating and overwhelming trying to decide which materials will best suit your learner(s).  One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that every family looks a little different.  Some parents pick and choose different materials from various resources, while others purchase a packaged curriculum.  Some families school online, or use unit studies.  There are options for every learner.   Our family has chosen full enrollment in an accredited school.  We receive all of our materials, including lesson plans, quarterly tests (which they grade), and report cards from the school.  Many families switch materials from year to year as they evaluate what works for each individual learner in their family.

11.   I  DO think our kids will be properly socialized.

12.   No we do not get tired of, or go crazy spending so much time with our children.  In fact, in our family having more time with the children was a huge factor in our decision to homeschool.  We appreciate the extra time we spend with our children, as well as the extra time they have with each other.  If our oldest was in “out” school she would see her baby brother only a few hours a day.  As it is now, they are together the entire day, and we view this as a beautiful thing!

13.   Regarding socialization:  Will my kids stand out as different in a group of their peers?   I will answer with my own question.   Is it really a bad thing if they do? 

14.   No I do not believe that EVERY family should be homeschooling.  I do not think that homeschooling is superior to any other form of schooling.  It just happens to be the path that God has led our family to, and it works well for us, so I am going to talk truthfully and positively about our experiences with it. 

As a final note I want to add that the pert nature of this entry is not meant to offend anyone.  It should be read with the understanding that while I do get irritated when it is clear that the intentions of those questioning me are not sincere, I absolutely love to answer the questions of those who are truly just curious…AND I can usually tell the difference pretty easily.