Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I have a little over three days before 26 little ones and their parents descend upon our dwelling. Unfortunately for me (and them), said dwelling looks more like the aftermath of a natural disaster than a home right now. I am pretty sure some nasty demon found me in the middle of the night and poured superglue on my bottom, because I've been stuck like glue to the couch all week. In fact, the only thing I have managed to clean out is every last drop of any item containing sugar in the pantry. Said items are beyond pleased with their new home, recognizable by it's lovely muffin shape, located right at the top of the waist of my jeans. Everything seems like an overwhelmingly huge chore, and the clock is ticking. I suppose I could just leave everything as is, and THIS time at the end of the party when I announce that there is no need to clean up because, "It really ALWAYS looks like this," everyone would finally believe me. I could get off the computer, finish start my lesson plans for R.E. tonight, and then dive into the cleaning. Or I could just start tomorrow. If you are reading this, let me know...how do YOU get over slumps like this?
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Empty Tomb Breakfast: Gluten Free
Here is our gluten-free version of Catholic Icing's Empty Tomb Snack (we use it for breakfast Easter morning)!
The Ground:
The Grass:
The Empty Tomb:
The Stone:
The Finished Product!
Happy Easter!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Habemus Papam!
I was a Protestant baby in diapers when Cardinal Karol Wojtyla became Pope John Paul II, and I don't have any recollection of even knowing of his existence throughout my childhood, or young adulthood. Despite the unfortunate reality that I came to know and love him so late in his pontiff (if I am very honest with myself I can even say I did not REALLY fall in love with him until after his death), when I did come to know him, I fell head over heals in love with him. My heart explodes with love for him. My husband's heart mirrors my own, which is why our four year old answers when we call the name John Paul.
I was a baby of another sort when Cardinal Ratzinger became Pope Benedict XVI. This time a Catholic baby, having received the Sacraments of Penance, Holy Communion, and Confirmation, just one year earlier. I probably watched the highlights on NBC or some other secular media outlet. I have a few memories, but not many. I do remember knowing that it was important, but there weren't any intense emotions involved. What I did find remarkable was that in a very short amount of time this unfamiliar man, this unfamiliar face, worked his way into my heart and I quickly found myself in love again. So in early February when my daughter's, "Good morning, Mama," was replaced with, "Mama, we're getting a new pope!" my heart sank and my eyes welled up with tears. I thought he had died. I quickly learned this was not the case and my mourning was replaced with a reserved excitement, mixed with a tinge of sadness at the thought of saying goodbye.
Everything was different this time. Not only for me, but for the whole Church. For the first time in 600 years we were getting a new pope and the current one was still living! I quickly started searching for ways to learn about the process of the Papal Conclave for myself, and for my children. We watched YouTube videos, we adopted a couple of cardinals to pray for, we downloaded lessons and games (although these sat unfinished on our table). Excitement filled our home. As the conclave began we made sure to know exactly when to watch for the smoke and we were glued to EWTN and Relevant Radio. Our inbox was subscribed to the Pope Alarm so even if it happened at 5:00 am we would still be able to quickly get on the IPAD and watch.
We had been waiting and waiting for the smoke yesterday afternoon when finally the first puffs emerged. My heart sank. It looked dark to me. However, my ears heard cries of joy and soon it was evident that indeed, the smoke was white. The bells began to ring, and this time I will never forget where I was or what I was doing. Nor will I forget the way I felt. My heart was soaring and I was filled with emotion. My eyes were quickly filling with tears and although it was just me and my four beautiful babies here in our living room, we felt like we were in the center of St. Peter's Square with the rest of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Kids have a way of bringing a party atmosphere to the most boring of places! There was jumping and screaming, dancing and shouting. I quickly called my husband and shared the good news. Soon after, the phone rang, and a friend and I shared our joy over the phone while our kids celebrated in the background.
Then the waiting began again, and it was almost unbearable. Perhaps a little purgatory time could be knocked off for the faithful who spent that hour with a room full of kids (who actually needed naps) who were just as impatiently as their mom, waiting to find out who our new Holy Father actually was! This COULD be the exact reason there is a Plenary Indulgence attached to that first Papal Blessing (haha!). Finally, the curtains began to move. I have to admit, I lost a bit of the excitement. My English-only ears couldn't even pick up on the name of the Cardinal. I did catch Pope Francesco though and we waited again for Pope Francis I to emerge! In the meantime the EWTN hosts shared the name of the Cardinal and I had no clue who he was.
When Pope Francis I finally stepped out we watched with the rest of the world, as this very humble man took in his first moments in his new role as Holy Father. I was struck particularly when he asked us, little us, to pray for him. At that moment I felt an undeniable connection with the entire Church. Catholics from all over the entire world were united in prayer for our new Holy Father. We all humbly knelt as he raised his hands in his first Papal Blessing, and I thanked God that I was able to so fully participate in this part of history. The kids and I made signs for their bikes, balloons for the mailbox, and a giant poster to hang in our window. Never mind the fact that we misspelled Papam, and upon return from their neighborhood ride the kids reported the only living things out that they could share the news with were dogs! We did not care! Nothing could squelch the joy! Even the 2 year old, who says very few words, was still chanting (to the best of his ability), "New Pope, New Pope," until the sun went down and his head hit his pillow.
After all the excitement faded away, I wondered how long it would take me to fall in love this time. I am happy to report that I awoke this morning, read one article, and filled with gratitude announced, "I LOVE this man!"
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Our Gluten Free Story and Favorites
Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder, which requires a life long gluten-free diet. Gluten is a protein found in wheat, barley, rye, and their derivatives. Oats were traditionally considered unsafe for celiacs as well, but in recent years doctors have found that this was due to cross contamination, not the oats themselves, so a celiac may safely consume oats that are certified gluten-free. When a celiac sufferer consumes gluten it damages the villi in the small intestine. The villi are responsible for helping the body to absorb nutrients. Left untreated celiac disease can lead to malnutrition and a host of other medical problems. Once on the gluten-free diet, the celiac sufferer's body quickly repairs itself, but the diet must be followed for life, or the damage will reoccur. In addition to avoiding gluten, the celiac must also avoid any cross contamination with foods containing gluten, as well as any cooking surfaces/appliances that have been used to prepare foods containing gluten.
Shortly before our daughter's second birthday, blood work and a biopsy of her small intestine confirmed a diagnosis of celiac disease. I was relieved and overjoyed to finally have a diagnosis and start the process of getting our very sick little girl healthy. I had never heard of celiac disease before. There were no celebrities announcing their g-free status, and certainly there were no mainstream labels with gluten-free written on them. In fact, I spent the first few months strolling the grocery aisles with my toddler and infant, and my trusty thick booklet of "safe" foods to check before putting anything in the cart. I became the woman standing in the aisle with my cell phone attached to my ear, calling company after company to see if products were safe. It was not at all uncommon for a representative to have no idea what gluten was, much less to know if their product contained it.
Things have changed drastically since those early days. Within a year of her diagnosis Hyvee added a health market section which included an entire aisle of gluten-free products. I was in heaven! Not only did they have the gluten-free aisle in the health market, but they also printed and distributed a packet listing all of their gluten free products. I had another booklet to carry around! Shortly after that we started noticing the Great Value brand at Walmart was actually listing gluten-free right on the label (they have since stopped doing this, but it was great while it lasted)! Within a couple years the labels from the allergen labeling laws started hitting the shelves, and grocery shopping got easier still. It is so easy now that I cannot even remember the last time I had to call a company! Eating out is a breeze and no one looks at you like you have 3 heads when you mention it!
Naturally gluten-free products could always be found everywhere, but now even specialty products, like bread and pretzels, can be found in most stores. In fact there are so many wonderful products available it can be hard to choose. So I thought I would create a list of our family's favorite brands/items for anyone who is just beginning to navigate the world of gluten-free, because this stuff is pretty expensive and it hurts to spend that money on a product that tastes awful!
Prepared Bread Products: Hands down, my family's favorite is Udi's. The sandwich bread acts just like gluten bread! The hamburger and hot dog buns are delicious and are even making appearances in local restaurants like Red Robin!
Packaged Bread (baked at home): Breads by Anna Yummy! My favorite (click here) is top on my list because I am not much of a baker and it is sooooo easy and very tasty! Just add eggs, oil, and a liquid, and throw it in the oven for a little over an hour. It also works well egg-free (in addition to gluten-free our sweetie was corn-free and egg-free for awhile too)! It slices well and can be used for sandwiches, and tastes yummy with or without toasting!
Pancakes: On nights when mom does not have dinner planned (and nights when I do) chants of, "King Arthur Pancakes, King Arthur Pancakes," can be heard echoing throughout our home for
Daddy to make his famous pancakes. In my opinion (I am not gluten-free) these taste better than the gluten pancakes they are trying to mimic.
Cake Mix: I really like Betty Crocker's cake mixes. They are a bit more expensive than other gf mixes (which are already expensive), but I think it is worth it. I have found that with many gf cake mixes there is a grainy texture to the cake, and these mixes produce the closest texture to gluten cake that I have found. I am sure there are great bakers out there who have mastered their own recipes, but for anyone like me, who needs a mix, Betty Crocker is the girl to go to!
Snacks: Obviously there are many snacks foods which are naturally gluten-free (fruit, cheese, most popcorn, most yogurt, etc.), but I want to include a snack section because we definitely have some favorites! These pretzels from Glutino are our favorite! In fact, I like them better than gluten pretzels. Our favorite crackers from Ener-G are pretty tasty too.
Packaged Cookies: There is no shortage of great tasting packaged gluten-free cookies! When she was younger these were really handy because not only do they all taste good, but they also look like what everyone else is eating, and that can be pretty important! Midel's gluten-free animal cookies look just like Animal Crackers and are super yummy! Their other cookie products are good too. I've eaten way too many packages myself so these products are no longer present in our pantry! The taste of these Orgran cookies remind me of Chips Ahoy. Again, you won't find them in our pantry! Actually, they are not a favorite of our daughter, but everyone else in the family loves them. These Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles are a hit with everyone. Our 2 year old, who is not gluten-free recently got into a pack sitting on the counter, took out every cookie, took one bite of each, and placed them all back into the box. Apparently, he was claiming the whole box for himself! There are many other cookies out there. Really this is the one area of gluten free where I think it is hard to find something that doesn't taste good.
Low Gluten Hosts: In the Catholic Church we believe that the bread and wine are truly transformed into the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ. In order for this change to take place several things need to happen. Number one, the proper words of consecration need to be said, number two, they need to be said by a priest, and number three, they need to be said over the proper matter (bread made of wheat and water and a special wine). I had just come into the Catholic Church when our daughter was diagnosed. Immediately I worried about how she would be able to receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament when she was older, as I knew the gluten free hosts other celiacs used would not work for a valid consecration and would remain just a simple host after the words of consecration. We settled for our pastor's answer of having her receive the Precious Blood when the time came, but still worried about cross contamination. A few years later we were at a new parish and our pastor let us know about a special host made by some Benedictine nuns specifically for those in the Church who suffer from celiac disease. As far as I know these are the only hosts that are both safe for a celiac (they contain .01% gluten) AND meet the requirements of Cannon Law for a valid consecration. We are so blessed!
Pasta: We most frequently use Tinkyada, and are please with the results. Quinoa, which is packed with nutrients is another option, but is a bit more expensive.
Mac and Cheese: Our favorite frozen Mac and Cheese is Amy's Rice and Cheese, and our favorite stove top mac and cheese is Annie's.
Pizza Crust: Pre-made, frozen: Kinnikinnick Mix: Full Circle
Frozen Waffles: Vans
Pre-made Frozen Donuts: Kinnikinnick ...YUMMY!
After our daughter's diagnosis, my husband had borderline blood work and went gluten-free. He is feeling much better on the diet, but has never received an official diagnosis. Our 4 year old is following the gluten-free diet too, but has no diagnosis. We plan to introduce gluten and test him in the future, but for now, he is gluten-free. The rest of us have no dietary restrictions and enjoy both gluten containing and gluten-free foods on a regular basis.
I may add to this list when time allows (right now I need to dress a naked toddler who has been playing with the faucet while I have been typing this)!! Please feel free to add your own gluten-free favorites!
Shortly before our daughter's second birthday, blood work and a biopsy of her small intestine confirmed a diagnosis of celiac disease. I was relieved and overjoyed to finally have a diagnosis and start the process of getting our very sick little girl healthy. I had never heard of celiac disease before. There were no celebrities announcing their g-free status, and certainly there were no mainstream labels with gluten-free written on them. In fact, I spent the first few months strolling the grocery aisles with my toddler and infant, and my trusty thick booklet of "safe" foods to check before putting anything in the cart. I became the woman standing in the aisle with my cell phone attached to my ear, calling company after company to see if products were safe. It was not at all uncommon for a representative to have no idea what gluten was, much less to know if their product contained it.
Things have changed drastically since those early days. Within a year of her diagnosis Hyvee added a health market section which included an entire aisle of gluten-free products. I was in heaven! Not only did they have the gluten-free aisle in the health market, but they also printed and distributed a packet listing all of their gluten free products. I had another booklet to carry around! Shortly after that we started noticing the Great Value brand at Walmart was actually listing gluten-free right on the label (they have since stopped doing this, but it was great while it lasted)! Within a couple years the labels from the allergen labeling laws started hitting the shelves, and grocery shopping got easier still. It is so easy now that I cannot even remember the last time I had to call a company! Eating out is a breeze and no one looks at you like you have 3 heads when you mention it!
Naturally gluten-free products could always be found everywhere, but now even specialty products, like bread and pretzels, can be found in most stores. In fact there are so many wonderful products available it can be hard to choose. So I thought I would create a list of our family's favorite brands/items for anyone who is just beginning to navigate the world of gluten-free, because this stuff is pretty expensive and it hurts to spend that money on a product that tastes awful!
Prepared Bread Products: Hands down, my family's favorite is Udi's. The sandwich bread acts just like gluten bread! The hamburger and hot dog buns are delicious and are even making appearances in local restaurants like Red Robin!
Packaged Bread (baked at home): Breads by Anna Yummy! My favorite (click here) is top on my list because I am not much of a baker and it is sooooo easy and very tasty! Just add eggs, oil, and a liquid, and throw it in the oven for a little over an hour. It also works well egg-free (in addition to gluten-free our sweetie was corn-free and egg-free for awhile too)! It slices well and can be used for sandwiches, and tastes yummy with or without toasting!
Pancakes: On nights when mom does not have dinner planned (and nights when I do) chants of, "King Arthur Pancakes, King Arthur Pancakes," can be heard echoing throughout our home for
Daddy to make his famous pancakes. In my opinion (I am not gluten-free) these taste better than the gluten pancakes they are trying to mimic.
Cake Mix: I really like Betty Crocker's cake mixes. They are a bit more expensive than other gf mixes (which are already expensive), but I think it is worth it. I have found that with many gf cake mixes there is a grainy texture to the cake, and these mixes produce the closest texture to gluten cake that I have found. I am sure there are great bakers out there who have mastered their own recipes, but for anyone like me, who needs a mix, Betty Crocker is the girl to go to!
Snacks: Obviously there are many snacks foods which are naturally gluten-free (fruit, cheese, most popcorn, most yogurt, etc.), but I want to include a snack section because we definitely have some favorites! These pretzels from Glutino are our favorite! In fact, I like them better than gluten pretzels. Our favorite crackers from Ener-G are pretty tasty too.
Packaged Cookies: There is no shortage of great tasting packaged gluten-free cookies! When she was younger these were really handy because not only do they all taste good, but they also look like what everyone else is eating, and that can be pretty important! Midel's gluten-free animal cookies look just like Animal Crackers and are super yummy! Their other cookie products are good too. I've eaten way too many packages myself so these products are no longer present in our pantry! The taste of these Orgran cookies remind me of Chips Ahoy. Again, you won't find them in our pantry! Actually, they are not a favorite of our daughter, but everyone else in the family loves them. These Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles are a hit with everyone. Our 2 year old, who is not gluten-free recently got into a pack sitting on the counter, took out every cookie, took one bite of each, and placed them all back into the box. Apparently, he was claiming the whole box for himself! There are many other cookies out there. Really this is the one area of gluten free where I think it is hard to find something that doesn't taste good.
Low Gluten Hosts: In the Catholic Church we believe that the bread and wine are truly transformed into the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ. In order for this change to take place several things need to happen. Number one, the proper words of consecration need to be said, number two, they need to be said by a priest, and number three, they need to be said over the proper matter (bread made of wheat and water and a special wine). I had just come into the Catholic Church when our daughter was diagnosed. Immediately I worried about how she would be able to receive Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament when she was older, as I knew the gluten free hosts other celiacs used would not work for a valid consecration and would remain just a simple host after the words of consecration. We settled for our pastor's answer of having her receive the Precious Blood when the time came, but still worried about cross contamination. A few years later we were at a new parish and our pastor let us know about a special host made by some Benedictine nuns specifically for those in the Church who suffer from celiac disease. As far as I know these are the only hosts that are both safe for a celiac (they contain .01% gluten) AND meet the requirements of Cannon Law for a valid consecration. We are so blessed!
Pasta: We most frequently use Tinkyada, and are please with the results. Quinoa, which is packed with nutrients is another option, but is a bit more expensive.
Mac and Cheese: Our favorite frozen Mac and Cheese is Amy's Rice and Cheese, and our favorite stove top mac and cheese is Annie's.
Pizza Crust: Pre-made, frozen: Kinnikinnick Mix: Full Circle
Frozen Waffles: Vans
Pre-made Frozen Donuts: Kinnikinnick ...YUMMY!
After our daughter's diagnosis, my husband had borderline blood work and went gluten-free. He is feeling much better on the diet, but has never received an official diagnosis. Our 4 year old is following the gluten-free diet too, but has no diagnosis. We plan to introduce gluten and test him in the future, but for now, he is gluten-free. The rest of us have no dietary restrictions and enjoy both gluten containing and gluten-free foods on a regular basis.
I may add to this list when time allows (right now I need to dress a naked toddler who has been playing with the faucet while I have been typing this)!! Please feel free to add your own gluten-free favorites!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Accountability
I just fell off the cliff. Actually, I jumped. I had my wisdom teeth extracted about a week and a half ago. Long story short, I am pretty sure there was some nerve damage (I go back in on Friday) and something is wrong with my tongue. It hurts to eat. It feels like there is a steak fry, fresh out of the oil, laying on the right side of my tongue. So of course it would be okay for me to eat ice cream, right? Of course. So eat ice cream, I have done. Everyday. Sometimes twice. There was this little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that yogurt and smoothies are cold too, and that it might not be in my body's best interest to get back into the sugar habit, but I quickly told that voice to take a hike. After all, I am barely eating anything else. This worked. Except for one thing. The tongue seems to be getting better so I am eating more and more. Unfortunately, my recent daily rendezvous with the ice cream has indeed reawakened my sugar addiction. This reawakening paired with my "poor me, my tongue hurts" attitude, led me to the edge of the cliff today. There to greet me (since I was desperately searching for my fix...the ice cream has run out) was an almost full container of Pillsbury Funfetti Frosting (an old favorite) just waiting for me in the refrigerator. I dove over the edge and into the creamy mouthfuls of sweet, sugary frosting. Spoonful after spoonful, never looking at the label, just enjoying each delightful bite.
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The truth is, I didn't really feel all that guilty and really didn't think it was all that bad until a few moments ago when keeping with my rules, I went to plug in the nutrition information from my binge onto www.myfitnesspal.com. WHOA! I had eaten over an entire day's worth of calories IN FROSTING!!!! No wonder I used to have trouble losing weight. I had no accountability! When I ate those spoonfuls today I knew it was bad, but I had no idea just how bad! I used to do this all the time. Without accountability the lies I would tell myself were very easy to believe. The devil likes us to convince ourselves that the harmful things we are doing to ourselves are no big deal. Each small sin, no matter how insignificant it may seem, leads us one step closer to him, and away from God. As soon as I saw the total number of calories my frosting binge had cost me, I realized how important it is for all of us to have accountability in all areas of our lives. To daily be examining our consciences and asking the Holy Spirit to show us where we have fallen, even in those seemingly small areas. Our family does pray an Act of Contrition each night before bed, but I do not do an actual examine of each day before praying this prayer, even though I know you are supposed to. There is no better time than the present to start, and this episode is proof that God can bring good out of all things, even a frosting binge!!!
On daily examination of conscience:
http://www.ewtn.com/library/spirit/examcons.txt
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The truth is, I didn't really feel all that guilty and really didn't think it was all that bad until a few moments ago when keeping with my rules, I went to plug in the nutrition information from my binge onto www.myfitnesspal.com. WHOA! I had eaten over an entire day's worth of calories IN FROSTING!!!! No wonder I used to have trouble losing weight. I had no accountability! When I ate those spoonfuls today I knew it was bad, but I had no idea just how bad! I used to do this all the time. Without accountability the lies I would tell myself were very easy to believe. The devil likes us to convince ourselves that the harmful things we are doing to ourselves are no big deal. Each small sin, no matter how insignificant it may seem, leads us one step closer to him, and away from God. As soon as I saw the total number of calories my frosting binge had cost me, I realized how important it is for all of us to have accountability in all areas of our lives. To daily be examining our consciences and asking the Holy Spirit to show us where we have fallen, even in those seemingly small areas. Our family does pray an Act of Contrition each night before bed, but I do not do an actual examine of each day before praying this prayer, even though I know you are supposed to. There is no better time than the present to start, and this episode is proof that God can bring good out of all things, even a frosting binge!!!
On daily examination of conscience:
http://www.ewtn.com/library/spirit/examcons.txt
Monday, December 10, 2012
Game On!
Last night a friend mentioned reading one of my posts on here. "Oh yeah," I thought, "I have a blog." I started this blog after a confession when a priest told me to take the time to do something for myself. I can't say that I love to write, but I do find it therapeutic, so this blog is what I came up with. I am not exactly sure what my purpose of my blog is, but it has served as a good place for me to reflect on some of the things that dominate my crazy world, and I do find sorting those things out to help bring peace. I am also certain that some of the same struggles I go through, others have gone through, or know someone who has gone through, and it helps to know you are not alone. So here it is. It has been so long since I have even written anything, that I don't know where to even start. So you 1 or 2 people who happen to stumble upon this, can sit back and prepare for a ramble, I guess.
I got a little too personal in my last post and the thought of writing again made my stomach turn. Most likely because I was shining a giant spotlight on my own sins. Pride. It's lovely, isn't it? I am happy to report that all is still going well on THAT battlefront. Unfortunately the enemy has changed his tactic and is now attacking from another angle. I've been hit by the lazy bug. "Hit" may be too light of a word. Stampeded, is probably much more suitable. A few weeks ago my husband woke up one morning, looked up at the sun shining through our bedroom window, and said, "We're in a snow globe." It was a great joke around here for a few weeks. I tried desperately to make up for my weeks of neglect which had caused the "snow"storm to rear its' ugly head. Eventually I threw in the towel, or rather the dust rag, and decided the snow globe was actually quite beautiful. Or so I tried to convince myself.
So my gluttony has been traded in for sloth. As for all of my efforts in limiting my internet time by deactivating my facebook account...well, that worked very well, for a short time. You see, what comes with a change in dress size? New clothes. Online browsing/shopping is my latest internet addiction. With all of the great sales going on right now, it does make financial sense to buy what I really do need, for a discount. I am almost done. Just some dress pants, and I am good to go. So I am hoping that the fact that I am on to his little game, will help me to get back on track soon.
Praise God! Sloth and internet addiction: Prepare for battle!! After months of praying for help, today was the day He decided to step in and let the sun shine brightly in my soul. I am guessing His mother had something to do with this. Thanks, Mama! :) Today I am filled with energy, peace, and patience. The laundry is almost ALL done. Seriously, that does NOT happen in this house. The dishes are done. The kids had a great school day. The floor is swept. AND, the biggest hurdle of all...I am NOT freaking out and feeling overwhelmed by all the other areas of house keeping neglect that are proof of my sin. Game on! I am ready to tackle those sins, because the troops have arrived!
I got a little too personal in my last post and the thought of writing again made my stomach turn. Most likely because I was shining a giant spotlight on my own sins. Pride. It's lovely, isn't it? I am happy to report that all is still going well on THAT battlefront. Unfortunately the enemy has changed his tactic and is now attacking from another angle. I've been hit by the lazy bug. "Hit" may be too light of a word. Stampeded, is probably much more suitable. A few weeks ago my husband woke up one morning, looked up at the sun shining through our bedroom window, and said, "We're in a snow globe." It was a great joke around here for a few weeks. I tried desperately to make up for my weeks of neglect which had caused the "snow"storm to rear its' ugly head. Eventually I threw in the towel, or rather the dust rag, and decided the snow globe was actually quite beautiful. Or so I tried to convince myself.
So my gluttony has been traded in for sloth. As for all of my efforts in limiting my internet time by deactivating my facebook account...well, that worked very well, for a short time. You see, what comes with a change in dress size? New clothes. Online browsing/shopping is my latest internet addiction. With all of the great sales going on right now, it does make financial sense to buy what I really do need, for a discount. I am almost done. Just some dress pants, and I am good to go. So I am hoping that the fact that I am on to his little game, will help me to get back on track soon.
Praise God! Sloth and internet addiction: Prepare for battle!! After months of praying for help, today was the day He decided to step in and let the sun shine brightly in my soul. I am guessing His mother had something to do with this. Thanks, Mama! :) Today I am filled with energy, peace, and patience. The laundry is almost ALL done. Seriously, that does NOT happen in this house. The dishes are done. The kids had a great school day. The floor is swept. AND, the biggest hurdle of all...I am NOT freaking out and feeling overwhelmed by all the other areas of house keeping neglect that are proof of my sin. Game on! I am ready to tackle those sins, because the troops have arrived!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Facing My Own Addictions
A while back I wrote about my brother's drug addiction click here. Several people contacted me privately and commented on how they had never thought of the spiritual dimension of addiction that I proposed in the post. Well, I have a confession to make. The reason I "get" the ins and outs of his addiction is that I struggle with my own addictions. My whole analogy of the game the addict and the devil play, came not from me trying to figure out his problems, but first from looking at my own sins and trying to wrap my mind around what I continually keep allowing myself to go through.
Hello, my name is Little Catholic Mama, and I am addicted to eating too much (junk food in particular) and the computer (facebook in particular). The computer addiction is a little easier to deal with than the eating so I am going to focus on the eating in this post. After all, as St. Augustine said, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation,” and you HAVE to eat! As for facebook, I have simply deactivated my account!
I have gone up and down the scale with every pregnancy, birth, and in between, for the past 10 years. I realize this does not sound uncommon, and most likely to most people looking at me from the outside my addiction is not really that noticeable. After all, I have had 5 pregnancies in 10 years. Most women's body's DO change a lot during these years. However, anyone who has paid close attention will note that unlike most women, I LOSE the weight very quickly after pregnancy and GAIN the weight back until I get pregnant again. Just the opposite of what happens to a "normal" woman's body. To put things into perspective, 6 months after our second child was born, I was a size 2. By the time I was pregnant with our 3rd child I was a size 12. While my friends are worried about gaining weight WITH a pregnancy, I am worried about how much weight I am going to gain if I never get pregnant again. I know. Pretty messed up. I take care of myself and my babies when I am pregnant, and it all falls apart when it's just me, taking care of me.
So, while my food addiction is perfectly legal, it is ever bit as damaging to my soul, to my body, and to my well-being in general, as my brother's drug addiction. I began our last pregnancy at my highest non-pregnant weight ever. Having gone through a previous pregnancy with gestational diabetes, and knowing that I had put on a lot of weight between pregnancies, I started testing my blood sugar right away. I was in tears and complete misery and remorse because the numbers were so high. I couldn't believe what I had done to myself and possibly to our baby after PROMISING myself that I would eat better after the gestational diabetes. So there's that rock bottom with the pathetic addict begging for help, and I was. I was begging God, "PLEEASE, please, just let this baby be healthy, and I WILL NOT eat the junk anymore." With God's help, I did great with my diet and the pregnancy. I counted every carb and after the 1st trimester my blood glucose numbers were lower and a bit easier to manage. In fact, when the 28 week glucose screening came along, I passed it. Barely, but I passed. I continued to carefully watch everything I ate, our baby was born healthy, and I quickly started dropping the pounds. I also quickly forgot how enslaved I had been to the sugary foods and it wasn't long before I thought I had it licked and every now and then I would allow myself to indulge in an extra piece of cake, or ice cream. Before long, every now and then turned into everyday, and everyday turned into, "I NEED THIS NOW...I DESERVE THIS." My pants and skirts got tighter and once again I pulled out my "big me" clothes, and I was/am now at that point where I was/am in so much bondage to the sin of gluttony that it even becomes difficult to ask God for help. It is difficult because I KNOW He will help and I am so attached to the sin and don't want to let go. (Notice how my conversations became "me" centered. I was no longer asking for God's help, but seeking what would satisfy ME).
This IS the devil's game, and even though I realize this, even though I am hitting back with the Sacrament of Confession, Mass, daily seeking God's help, the understanding of what I am up against, and knowing I can't do this on my own, I am still losing the battle. I have the Sacraments, I have the knowledge that I need to seek God's help, and still I am losing. How much more difficult must it be for my brother, who has none of these things? He does not even know what he is fighting. Both of us are trying to fill some sort of void, and I know the only way either of us will ever overcome our addictions is total surrender of our hearts and souls to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and on top of that, this is a lifelong battle. We must continually remind ourselves of how little, weak, and helpless we are, and learn to fully rely on God's mercy and love to fill all the voids in our souls, and in my case remember that I don't DESERVE anything, or NEED anything other than food to fuel my body.
While my brother spends the next 5 years in prison battling his addiction, I have resolved to spend my time battling my own, and any graces that I receive I am asking Our Lord to shower upon him as well. How can I tell my brother to stop indulging in his addiction, if I cannot stop indulging in my own? How much better of a witness can I give to my brother about God's healing power if I myself allow Him to heal me of my own addictions first, rather than looking to be a great hypocrite? This is a HUGE hold the devil has over me. This is currently his main tactic in moving me to self loathing, and despair. I fall into these dark areas, despite my knowledge that God's mercy is endless and His love greater than any sin. I can only imagine how much darker the darkness is for someone like my brother who has not yet witnessed His great love.
Sharing all of this is a big deal for a couple of reasons. Number one, right now I am doing better. I've been exercising regularly for over a month. This means I am gaining confidence. Unfortunately, this also means it's about time for my head to swell and start thinking I'm doing something grand. Not true. Everyday is a struggle and I need a constant reminder that I am only going to beat this with the help of God and the second I let go of Him, I'm going to fall. Oh, and I will fall. I already have. I need to remember to be thankful for the falls, because they allow me to remember how difficult this journey is, and that really, it's NEVER going to be over. This post is a reminder when I do fall, that it's not that big of a deal and I just need to crawl to Confession, and get back up. Secondly, I need prayers. Prayers for me, prayers for my brother, and prayers for anyone struggling with any sort of addiction.
And a little perspective (and I think motivation) from Matthew West: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ
Hello, my name is Little Catholic Mama, and I am addicted to eating too much (junk food in particular) and the computer (facebook in particular). The computer addiction is a little easier to deal with than the eating so I am going to focus on the eating in this post. After all, as St. Augustine said, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation,” and you HAVE to eat! As for facebook, I have simply deactivated my account!
I have gone up and down the scale with every pregnancy, birth, and in between, for the past 10 years. I realize this does not sound uncommon, and most likely to most people looking at me from the outside my addiction is not really that noticeable. After all, I have had 5 pregnancies in 10 years. Most women's body's DO change a lot during these years. However, anyone who has paid close attention will note that unlike most women, I LOSE the weight very quickly after pregnancy and GAIN the weight back until I get pregnant again. Just the opposite of what happens to a "normal" woman's body. To put things into perspective, 6 months after our second child was born, I was a size 2. By the time I was pregnant with our 3rd child I was a size 12. While my friends are worried about gaining weight WITH a pregnancy, I am worried about how much weight I am going to gain if I never get pregnant again. I know. Pretty messed up. I take care of myself and my babies when I am pregnant, and it all falls apart when it's just me, taking care of me.
So, while my food addiction is perfectly legal, it is ever bit as damaging to my soul, to my body, and to my well-being in general, as my brother's drug addiction. I began our last pregnancy at my highest non-pregnant weight ever. Having gone through a previous pregnancy with gestational diabetes, and knowing that I had put on a lot of weight between pregnancies, I started testing my blood sugar right away. I was in tears and complete misery and remorse because the numbers were so high. I couldn't believe what I had done to myself and possibly to our baby after PROMISING myself that I would eat better after the gestational diabetes. So there's that rock bottom with the pathetic addict begging for help, and I was. I was begging God, "PLEEASE, please, just let this baby be healthy, and I WILL NOT eat the junk anymore." With God's help, I did great with my diet and the pregnancy. I counted every carb and after the 1st trimester my blood glucose numbers were lower and a bit easier to manage. In fact, when the 28 week glucose screening came along, I passed it. Barely, but I passed. I continued to carefully watch everything I ate, our baby was born healthy, and I quickly started dropping the pounds. I also quickly forgot how enslaved I had been to the sugary foods and it wasn't long before I thought I had it licked and every now and then I would allow myself to indulge in an extra piece of cake, or ice cream. Before long, every now and then turned into everyday, and everyday turned into, "I NEED THIS NOW...I DESERVE THIS." My pants and skirts got tighter and once again I pulled out my "big me" clothes, and I was/am now at that point where I was/am in so much bondage to the sin of gluttony that it even becomes difficult to ask God for help. It is difficult because I KNOW He will help and I am so attached to the sin and don't want to let go. (Notice how my conversations became "me" centered. I was no longer asking for God's help, but seeking what would satisfy ME).
This IS the devil's game, and even though I realize this, even though I am hitting back with the Sacrament of Confession, Mass, daily seeking God's help, the understanding of what I am up against, and knowing I can't do this on my own, I am still losing the battle. I have the Sacraments, I have the knowledge that I need to seek God's help, and still I am losing. How much more difficult must it be for my brother, who has none of these things? He does not even know what he is fighting. Both of us are trying to fill some sort of void, and I know the only way either of us will ever overcome our addictions is total surrender of our hearts and souls to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and on top of that, this is a lifelong battle. We must continually remind ourselves of how little, weak, and helpless we are, and learn to fully rely on God's mercy and love to fill all the voids in our souls, and in my case remember that I don't DESERVE anything, or NEED anything other than food to fuel my body.
While my brother spends the next 5 years in prison battling his addiction, I have resolved to spend my time battling my own, and any graces that I receive I am asking Our Lord to shower upon him as well. How can I tell my brother to stop indulging in his addiction, if I cannot stop indulging in my own? How much better of a witness can I give to my brother about God's healing power if I myself allow Him to heal me of my own addictions first, rather than looking to be a great hypocrite? This is a HUGE hold the devil has over me. This is currently his main tactic in moving me to self loathing, and despair. I fall into these dark areas, despite my knowledge that God's mercy is endless and His love greater than any sin. I can only imagine how much darker the darkness is for someone like my brother who has not yet witnessed His great love.
Sharing all of this is a big deal for a couple of reasons. Number one, right now I am doing better. I've been exercising regularly for over a month. This means I am gaining confidence. Unfortunately, this also means it's about time for my head to swell and start thinking I'm doing something grand. Not true. Everyday is a struggle and I need a constant reminder that I am only going to beat this with the help of God and the second I let go of Him, I'm going to fall. Oh, and I will fall. I already have. I need to remember to be thankful for the falls, because they allow me to remember how difficult this journey is, and that really, it's NEVER going to be over. This post is a reminder when I do fall, that it's not that big of a deal and I just need to crawl to Confession, and get back up. Secondly, I need prayers. Prayers for me, prayers for my brother, and prayers for anyone struggling with any sort of addiction.
And a little perspective (and I think motivation) from Matthew West: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ
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